3 Signs You’re Not Really Listening (And How to Fix It)
Master Active Listening Before You Talk Yourself Into Trouble
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You’ve heard it before: “You don’t listen.”
And maybe you’ve even clapped back with, “I heard you, didn’t I?” But here’s the truth: hearing isn’t listening.
Not really.
Not actively.
Active listening is a skill—and if you’re not practicing it on purpose, you’re probably not doing it at all. Here are 3 way to tell you’re not really listening.
Let’s break it down.
1. You Can’t Repeat What Was Just Said
(Your attention is passive)
If someone finished speaking and you immediately had to ask, “Wait—what was that again?”, you weren’t listening.
That’s not a memory issue. That’s not a comprehension gap. It’s a lack of listening.
It’s like reading a paragraph three times and still not knowing what it said.
What to do instead:
Try paraphrasing right after someone talks.
For example:
“So what you’re saying is - the pencil was slightly bent?”
POWERFUL WORDS. It shows you processed the message and you care enough to reflect it back.
2. You’re Just Waiting to Talk
(Your ego is interrupting)
If you’re already crafting your response while the other person is still talking, you’re not listening—you’re preparing to perform.
And that’s not connection. That’s ego.
Fix it:
Force yourself to pause after the other person finishes speaking. Reflect. Then speak. And if you need to show you’ve been listening, use a technique like paraphrasing:
“So what you’re saying is…”
“It sounds like you’re saying…”
“Wait—how did the pencil bend like that?”
Those responses don’t just prove you were paying attention. They build trust.
3. You’re Not Making Them the Most Important Person
(And it shows)
Active listening is less about tactics and more about priority.
In that moment—are they the most important person in the room?
Or are you halfway somewhere else, on your phone, or just burned out?
Truth is: not everyone deserves your full listening capacity.
But when someone does and you show up fully for them?
That’s a power move. That’s communication leadership.
Fix it:
Don’t try to actively listen to everyone. Reserve it for conversations that matter. But when you commit? Go all in.
Bottom Line: Active Listening Is a Choice
Listening is a skill. And like all communication skills, it needs intention.
If you want to sound smart, stay present, and be remembered—start by listening like it matters. Because it does.
Ready to Train Your Ears?
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