3 Signs You’re Not Really Listening (And How to Fix It)

Master Active Listening Before You Talk Yourself Into Trouble

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You’ve heard it before: “You don’t listen.”

And maybe you’ve even clapped back with, “I heard you, didn’t I?” But here’s the truth: hearing isn’t listening.

Not really.

Not actively.

Active listening is a skill—and if you’re not practicing it on purpose, you’re probably not doing it at all. Here are 3 way to tell you’re not really listening.

Let’s break it down.

1. You Can’t Repeat What Was Just Said

(Your attention is passive)

If someone finished speaking and you immediately had to ask, “Wait—what was that again?”, you weren’t listening.

That’s not a memory issue. That’s not a comprehension gap. It’s a lack of listening.

It’s like reading a paragraph three times and still not knowing what it said.

What to do instead:

Try paraphrasing right after someone talks.

For example:

“So what you’re saying is - the pencil was slightly bent?”

POWERFUL WORDS. It shows you processed the message and you care enough to reflect it back.

2. You’re Just Waiting to Talk

(Your ego is interrupting)

If you’re already crafting your response while the other person is still talking, you’re not listening—you’re preparing to perform.

And that’s not connection. That’s ego.

Fix it:

Force yourself to pause after the other person finishes speaking. Reflect. Then speak. And if you need to show you’ve been listening, use a technique like paraphrasing:

“So what you’re saying is…”

“It sounds like you’re saying…”

“Wait—how did the pencil bend like that?”

Those responses don’t just prove you were paying attention. They build trust.

3. You’re Not Making Them the Most Important Person

(And it shows)

Active listening is less about tactics and more about priority.

In that moment—are they the most important person in the room?

Or are you halfway somewhere else, on your phone, or just burned out?

Truth is: not everyone deserves your full listening capacity.

But when someone does and you show up fully for them?

That’s a power move. That’s communication leadership.

Fix it:

Don’t try to actively listen to everyone. Reserve it for conversations that matter. But when you commit? Go all in.

Bottom Line: Active Listening Is a Choice

Listening is a skill. And like all communication skills, it needs intention.

If you want to sound smart, stay present, and be remembered—start by listening like it matters. Because it does.

Ready to Train Your Ears?

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3 Things Your Body Says—Before You Even Open Your Mouth

Nonverbal Communication Tricks That Could Be Costing You Respect

Whether you’re pitching a client, arguing with your partner, or just walking into a room, your nonverbal communication is already talking. And trust me—it’s louder than your voice.

Let’s break down 3 things your body says, and what to do about them if you want to stop sounding stupid—before you even speak.

1. Your Belly Button Knows Who You Like

(Focus + Engagement)

Here's the weirdest communication hack you’ve never heard:

Where your belly button is pointed reveals your true attention.

If you’re in a group setting, people will unconsciously rotate their torsos toward the person they respect—or fear—the most. That’s the real center of focus, not where their eyes go.

Try this:

Next time you’re in a convo, turn your full body—hips included—toward the person you want to engage. It tells them: “You have my full attention.”

It also lets you quietly read the room in any social or professional setting.

2. Your Hands Might Be Screaming “Back Off”

(Comfort + Threat Perception)

Hands in your front pockets? Makes you look nervous.

Hands in your back pockets? Looks careless—or worse, threatening.

Especially if you’re a bigger-bodied person (tall, broad, muscular), people react more sensitively to your body language. The wrong gesture can feel like a social red flag, even if you’re trying to be chill.

Fix it fast:

Keep your hands visible and neutral—lightly clasped, relaxed by your side, or engaged in the conversation.

3. Silence Doesn’t Equal Listening

(Intent + Miscommunication)

Taking notes during a convo? Smart.

But if you don’t say anything, your body language might look like you’re zoning out.

You’ve got to pre-frame your silence.

Try this:

“I’m jotting this down so I don’t miss anything.”

That one line turns an “are-you-even-listening?” moment into a show of engaged professionalism.

Pro tip: Narrate the nonverbal. It builds trust—fast.

Bottom Line: Your Body is Always Talking

You don’t need to “fix” your personality. But you do need to become fluent in your body’s language. From posture to micro-movements, your physical presence shapes the way people interpret your message.

So if you want to be clear, confident, and actually heard?

Start with what your body is saying.

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